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Monday, July 04, 2005

What is my baggage?

Yesterday, I went to a desi wedding (Actually, an ABCD) here in US of A. It was the first desi wedding I have been to. It certainly was an interesting experience and provided great insights into the desi community.

The bride and the groom were of south indian origin - same caste, creed, color and religion. Their fathers had doctorates and were by all means educated and successful. But, the image that got etched in my mind was that of the groom's parents having food while the guests were lining up by the buffet counter. Yes, I do understand that "custom" demands that the bride's family bear the costs and efforts related to the wedding. But, the guests were invitees of both sides. I have never come across a wedding or event where the hosts have food before serving the guests. Then, there were the usual stories of how the groom's parents were giving the bride's folks a hard time about pretty much everything. These well educated men have carried their baggage of prejudicies with them all the way from India and kept them alive and well for over 25 years.

Of course, there were the usual desi stuff - nothing running on time, people RSVP that they are coming and then don't turn up, when they turn up they are late by over an hour. The MC was of North indian origin and did a great job of butchering the tamil names of people and ceremonies. I am sure if it had been an American MC'ing the event they would have made an effort to learn the right pronunciation.

I realized that it is not just the Manglorean Chrisitians in the US who are stuck in a time warp when it comes to music (playing and signing songs from the 70s), it is true for these Tamilians, too. And, I have a feeling it is true for every other desi community in US. The ABCD kids and their parents probably keep listening to the songs the parents grew up with.

There were a few things that struck odd - like clapping at the end of each ceremony. Hey, it is a wedding not a superbowl game. Then, the dancing at the end of the day. Never been to a south indian wedding in Chennai with dancing. Of course, the music was Bhangra pop with Daler Mehndi having a field day (wonder what happened to the charges of human traficking against him).

At the end of the day, I was asking myself what baggage am I carrying? I am sure I have. I wish it is just a hand luggage not something big enough for me to have checked in. And, I wish someone would confront me regarding it - sooner, the better.

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