In memory of a friend who I wish I had known better

I tried emailing Prasad last week, one of my once in a year or so email ping. And, it bounced back. Hotmail informed me that the mailbox was no longer available - a sign of it not being in use for more that four months. I wondered if Prasad like a number of others had decided to use Gmail. So, I searched for other email addresses that I might have for him. When I did not find any I searched on the Web.

The first hit was an article in "The Hindu" about being the only child from early this year. He was quoted in it. But, it was the second hit that made me go cold. It was an item from "The Hindu" obituary from April 25th announcing Prasad's transition on April 20th. Prasad must have been 42 or at the most 43 years.

I still remember vividly how I met Prasad. It must have been 1993 I had responded to an advertisement in the IEEE Spectrum magazine about an organization called Global Intuition Network (GIN). They claimed to promote intuition as a management tool. I was intrigued and I wrote to them. Turns out Prasad had sent a letter,too. And, since my letter must have arrived there first they asked Prasad to get in touch with me about organizing the local charter. Prasad sent me a letter. And, I was quite surprised. Anyway, I called him on the phone to find out what his interest was. He told me that he had an engineering degree, a MBA and he ran a small robotics and automation firm. Later, during our first face to face meeting at his office I learned that his engineering degree was from IITB and the MBA was from Carnegie Mellon. I remember asking him "What are you doing here?". And, his response was, "This is my company. I would be nowhere else."

We never did anything about GIN but we kept in touch. It was mostly my initiative. But, he always made it a point to respond to the letters or make time to meet me. After I moved to the US and my folks moved out of Chennai in 1999 the once in 3 months contact reduced to one or two emails a year. My emails were always the same - "how is work? hope your mom is doing well." His dad had passed away back when he was in college. And, his responded promptly, as always. He told me about the pressure from the Chinese entry into the Indian market, the increasing wages etc...I did not have anything to offer him. As always he seemed quirky as ever, a bit defiant and making the best of the situation.

In December of 2003 I decided to fly into India via Chennai. I called Prasad when I got there. And, he invited us over to his home for breakfast. I went to his home, met his mom for the first time and had breakfast with them. He seemed upset about things at work - an old timer had swindled him and another had decided to move on. He invited us to stay on, said he would like to get to know my wife, who like him is an only child and an air force child. But, we were on the run - the typical 3 week vacation from the US. I promised to try spend time with him on my way out knowing fully well that it probably would not happen due to other commitments. Prasad dropped us off at our next appointment, a friend of mine from my undergrad days. And, during the drive managed to fool my friend into believing that he was a hired driver. It was hilarious. That was the last time I met Prasad.

In December of 2005 I did return to India on vacation. But, this time I skipped Chennai altogether. We spoke briefly over the phone. He sounded upset that I had not planned on coming to Chennai. He seemed to be holding back something. I did not ask, he did not tell. I promised to keep in touch by email or phone - my usual "ping". I don't know if I did email him after that. I want to think that I did. I never received any response. So, maybe I never did.

I wonder if things would have been different had I been in Chennai. Or, would we have remained the same. I do wish I had asked him what was on his mind, why he had not married, if could have been of any help.... I wish I had been more involved. I thank you, my friend, for the memories. I just wish there were a lot more.